CM PUNK HOUSE #3: All Seths Go To Heaven

September 28th 2015 BUFFALO, N.Y.

[WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS]

I’m going to have to disappoint you guys yet again but CM Punk still hasn’t returned to pro wrestling. Tonight’s show starts with the return of the JOHN CENA open challenge for the US Title. JOHN CENA gets a lot of shit for many reasons but the open challenge never disappoints.

The challenge is answered by everyone’s favorite, The New Day! They say that they will all be the “US Champions” implying that they will defend the title under The Freebird Rule. WWE.com states, “The “Freebird Rule” is a stipulation that allows any two members of a larger team to defend a specific championship.”  Kofi says that when they win the title you can call them “team scrooge mc duck, because well be swimming in the gold… y’all know we can’t swim”. That’s not a direct quote btw that’s just how I remember it.

I thought that line was funny. Xavier Woods steps forward as their representative for the challenge and debuts his new catch phrase, “you’re about to get lost in the woods” something like that. It was cool when he said it. The match itself ends in a DQ so the New Day does not become the US champions. The match then became a 3 on 3 with the Dudley’s.

Bonus Watch this:

I’ve decided to only go over my favorite parts of Raw from now. (Partially because I don’t pay attention throughout) Here is a list of matches that happened on raw that I don’t want to go over in detail:

  • The Big Show defeated Mark Henry
  • Team Bella defeated Team PCB
  • Braun Strowman and Luke Harper defeated The Prime Time Players
  • Neville defeated Stardust via disqualification
  • Randy Orton defeated Bo Dallas
  • Rusev (w/ Summer Rae) defeated Kevin Owens via disqualification
  • Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns had no decision

I mainly came here to say that Seth Rollins is going to heaven because the pope told him himself. Seth quotes the pope saying, “Seth Rollins, you are going to heaven.” I’d like to picture Seth and the pope being homies just like Ric Flair and the pope.

During this episode of Raw Kane is being evaluated by human resources and Seth wants to make Kane look bad but it backfires.  Ashley, the HR lady, concludes that Kane is stable, and says that Seth Rollins needs an evaluation.

Seth flips out and gives Kane a really awkward pedigree. Kane still doesn’t take face bumps. Seth proceeds to beat the Republican out of Kane. Kane is carried away to an ambulance and re-emerges as Demon Kane. I totally saw this coming. I figure this signifies the death of the Corporate Kane character leaving Demon Kane to run wild. I hope this isn’t the case and Corporate Kane returns next week with crutches and a smile on his face still ready to do his job.

That’s all I got this week.  Make sure to Catch Lesnar Vs. Big Show this Saturday Live from MSG on the WWE Network.

This episode must not be that great if I don’t even really feel like talking about.

My rating: 119/266 popes

oh and save the tables!

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